Proper Timing Improves Conflict Resolution

Conflict is an inevitable part of life.  Ever notice that conflict tends to happen more with the people or person closest to you?  That seems a bit strange considering the fact that those you love should be easiest to get along with.  In actuality, it is the closeness that causes the conflict.  In close, personal relationships such as “BFF”, family or spousal, we tend to be ourselves.  I mean, we let it all hang out with no reservation.  Think about it.  These are the people who know you best and should accept you for who you are, right.  Well, maybe, maybe not!  There comes a time when we all must grow, change and improve.

Conflict is usually the result of someone not getting what they want, when or how they want it.  Whether you want your mate to be quiet and he or she won’t or they want you to clean the kitchen and you don’t.  These are simple issues that in and of themselves are very minor, but yet, may lead to explosive disagreements when not handled properly.  It goes without saying that cheating, lying, overspending, lack of attention or many other situations relevant to your relationship may cause conflict at times.  With that said, the timing of your approach to resolve conflict is critical.

The best time to resolve conflict varies from couple to couple.  You must observe and understand how your mate works.  When is he or she most irritable, receptive, forgiving, understanding, etc…  This information will allow you to know when the best time is to resolve a conflict or recurring issue.  Those of you that believe issues need to be handled on the spot must give way to reason.  When tempers are flaring, neither of you are listening to reason or using logic.  The goal is no longer resolution, but to prove your point.  Now, you both lose.

When resolution can’t happen in the moment, you may want to consider a time when both of you are happy, relaxed and at ease.  You may be in the park, cooking dinner, about to make love or other peaceful situations.  This is a receptive time for the average person.  Approach your mate jokingly, with a smile on your face and explain your concern.  Share the way it makes you feel.  Be honest, sincere and pleasant.  Think about it.  How can you argue or get upset when your mate lovingly shares his or her concerns in order to improve the relationship.  The obvious response is one of empathy and consideration to avoid hurting his or her feelings by repeating the action.  Keep in mind that change rarely happens overnight.  So, allow him or her a couple of times to be jokingly reminded of the discussion and watch the attitude and behavior change.  This approach will help resolve the problems that cause conflicts in your relationship.

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