If in the beginning it was stated and agreed that, “You keep your money and I will keep mine”, there is an immediate failure risk built into the relationship.  “Why is that”, you ask.

1. Maintaining separate bank accounts, with none that are joint, indicates a level of distrust and doubt within the relationship that needs to be understood and resolved. Stop to think honestly for a moment.  Why do I really want separate bank accounts?  Perhaps you don’t feel the money will be managed well by your spouse.  Do you feel that you should not have to discuss spending “Your” own hard earned money?  Are you listening to friends that have separate accounts as well?

2. My money, your money scenarios can lead to conflict if someone loses a job. In the event your spouse can’t cover his or her agreed portion of the bills for an extended period of time, it will lead to frustration on both ends.  Your spending money has been zapped away by your spouses inability to carry their load.  Now it is all on you.  No more golf and no more shoes for a while.  You begin to pressure them to hurry up and find a new job to free up your spending money.  Your pressure creates anxiety, lowered self-esteem and ultimately resentment in your spouse because they were laid off and have been aggressively searching 8 months for a new job to no avail.  Think about it.  Their spending money is also gone.  Cut some slack!  You did say for richer or poorer.

3. There is no accountability with my money, your money scenarios. If your spouse is a frivolous spender you may end up paying all of the bills anyway and still can’t play golf or buy new shoes every week.  Unfortunately, this also makes it easier for those with commitment issues to finance little escapades because their money is their business as you agreed in the beginning.  It’s a setup!

At the wedding you both agreed to love, trust, honor and obey one another for the rest of your lives.  Why start off with a wedge between you.  It may seem petty at first, but things change down the road as you get comfortable and settle into the marriage.  Your spouses problems should be your problems.  Your spouses pains should be your pains.  I think you get the picture.  Money is a great way to divide people.  Don’t let it divide your marriage because you don’t know yet, how to manage a joint family budget.

Easy Solution: Use a joint account for household bills, savings, emergencies and other necessities.  Let the most financially savvy of the two manage it while the other learns during the discussions.  Determine a maximum allowable amount to spend from the home account without a discussion and stick with it.  Then establish an additional account or cash distribution amount for each person per pay period.  This is your money to spend as you choose.

This turns my money into our money.  By the way, this is covered in a quality course of premarital counseling.

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