Now that you have thrown away the list of requirements or “wish list”, let’s go to the next step in building a lasting relationship.

Let them love and respect you as a person first.

• Don’t be too salty – As Christians we are considered by the bible as the salt of the earth. That means our presence should enhance a situation, environment or relationship. Though at times this expectation is taken a bit too far. The bible also encourages individuals not to be too extreme about anything we do. Therefore in the development of a relationship it is important to establish a proper balance in the expression of your faith. Without a doubt, it is truly important for people in your life to know who and what you believe in. But, if you go too far, you become the person to avoid instead of the person to love. Understand that everyone has a personal walk with God and your level of relationship may not be the same right now. If God has placed them in your life, it is probably safe to say they are at least willing to have a relationship with Him. Let them grow in His time.
• Accept them as a person who is not perfect – Despite the misplaced belief some may have that their character is flawless, none of us are perfect. As humans, we all make mistakes. If the relationship is going to last, your mate must not feel pressured to do everything right. Sometimes we say or do the wrong things. It happens! Your task in the whole scheme of things is to realize that they will happen and provide the comfort and understanding needed for your mate to recover from mistakes. Some people have been told all their lives that they were walking mistakes and goof ups. Not very good for self-esteem I would imagine. By offering encouragement and understanding, you will create a bond not easily broken. This doesn’t mean understand and encourage them after they have cheated 3 times. Always be reasonable with your acceptance and understanding.
• Don’t expect what you won’t give – This can be hypocrisy at its finest moment. Well, might I say hour. It will probably lead to hour long disagreements if you continuously expect what you won’t give. Demands or requests become unfair and unwarranted when you don’t offer the same in return. Consider what your requests are of the person you’re trying to build a relationship with. Don’t ask them to throw away their black book if you still have yours. Don’t expect them spend their money on you if you won’t spend yours on them. People are more willing to comply with the requests of someone that does the same in return for them. Not expecting what you won’t give shows a level of integrity and fairness that we can all appreciate.
• Build credibility and a track record- When building a lasting relationship, there must be a high level of confidence in the person you’re with. Confidence keeps you hopeful of a great outcome, while trust can make you forget that people make mistakes. I say trust God! Confidence only comes when you have credibility as the result of a good track record. This happens by saying what you mean and meaning what you say. It happens by fulfilling the commitments you make. When faced with controversial decisions, the person you want to build a relationship is always watching. Therefore, displaying integrity and consistency of good character regardless of the situation allows you to be viewed as an honorable person. This makes you easier to love. Even Jesus had a track record that gave Him credibility with those that followed, respected, loved and trusted Him.

When someone loves and respects you as a person first, it becomes easier to share and exchange views about anything you may face in the relationship. If someone doesn’t like you as a person, they surely won’t like you as a spouse. Be friends first!

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